Anticipated Completion

“Home ownership is an excellent path to build wealth.”

Tim Ellis

Over the past few weeks, I have come to realise just what an emotional and financial rollercoaster buying a property is. It's both thrilling and terrifying in equal measure but ultimately awesome.

We have been given a completion date of 7th September and the countdown starts here, as does the accumulation of cardboard boxes and also, I fear, the number of stubbed toes and loud expletives is about to be on the increase.

I feel everso grown up.

A hernia, a wedding and some waz

So, off we went to a good friends wedding reception up in South Yorkshire last week. We opted for the motor car as a mode of transportation and as such was treated to, not one, but two, visual feasts as we left the safety of London.

The first being the British Hernia Centre. Now, please do not misunderstand me, I don't find hernias in the least bit amusing. I am sure they are mighty unpleasant but to have a centre dedicated to hernias alone seemed a little ostentatious to me.

However, what's more, upon researching said centre, I found the "award winning" website (click here) to be utterly adorable. The interactive page allows you to see what kind of hernia you might have! Who needs medics? Pah.

The home page even states, and I quote, "PS: It helps if you have a sense of humour!". The FAQ's are ruddy BRILLIANT!!!

Q. I'm pregnant, should I fix the hernia before the baby is born?

A. Probably not.

Q. My Family Doctor says: "If it doesn't hurt you, just leave it alone and see what happens." Is this really good advice?

A. We would not seek to contradict any doctor, but we are increasingly coming to the view that this can be very bad advice.

Anyhoo, so I claimed that there were two funny things. The second delight occurred about three and half minutes later when a small vehicle with "WAZ School of Motoring" emblazoned across it overtook us on the North Circular. Really? Waz? Is that the best name you can come up with? I am of course pronouncing it W-A-Z as opposed to the new "cool" way of using it instead of the traditional and no less cumbersome "WAS".

I can't even find a website which is more than one step behind the hernia guys.

The wedding reception was great fun and the couple looked blissfully happy particularly enriched in the safe knowledge that when they return to London from their luxurious honeymoon, there is a hernia centre waiting....just in case.

One man war on bad grammar

“The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar”

Michel de Montaigne

One of the wonderful things about technology of the 21st century is being able to read up to the minute, cutting edge news, via your portable telephone device upon London public transport.

I had the pleasure of reading this article on the ITN website and for once smiled rather than winced.

"A former soldier is waging a one-man war on poor use of the English language after picking up a paintbrush to correct the grammar on his own street's signs.

Stefan Gatward added an apostrophe to two of his "St Johns Close" signs so they read "St John's Close".

But his efforts to improve the punctuation on the signs in his cul-de-sac were greeted with mixed feelings, with some neighbours calling it vandalism.

Mr Gatward, 62, who served for four years with 1st Battalion, the Gordon Highlanders, said: "It niggled me for the 14 months I've lived here. I thought if it doesn't appear corrected before long, I'll paint the damn thing myself. I did it very neatly with a brush."

He added: "Are we in England fighting for our heritage or are we going to let it drop into the sea?"

This man is my new personal hero.

Why I love London.

I was going through the usual 730am Monday mardy custard today, debating whether to actually walk the mile and a half or wait for a bus. I went with a begrudging walk and man am I glad I did.

As I perambulated past Westfield (Europe's largest shopping centre doncha know) a rather slick looking Mercedes pulled up next to me and who should get out to post a letter????

Your beardy friend and mine....

I wanted to say something cool and witty as he looked so damn jolly for such an ungodly hour but I didn't. Instead I panicked and squeaked "Moooorning" in a rather pathetic manner.

Why have a cake if I can't eat it?

I just really like this picture.

These things that I have learnt

It's August. August? August! For crying out loud.

I'm another year older and what have I discovered and learnt? Quite a lot actually.

1. Tim Minchin. I insist that you look him up on YouTube immediately. In fact, I'll even take the hard part out - click here for a taste.

2. Making jewellery is most relaxing and enjoyable.

3. I'm not nearly as wreckless with money as I thought I was.

4. By using a tiny brush to apply concealer it stays on much longer and gives far better coverage than using big clumsy fingers.

5. I've learnt and largely understood the process of the property ladder.

6. I can throw a mean right hook but only when I'm wearing pink boxing gloves.

7. Dr Ben Goldacre's blog; Bad Science. Have a peek. It's very good. Cuts the bullshit out of the reported 'science' by journo's and industry.

He also has a positive and vehement disregard for "Dr" Gillian McKeith "PhD" and if you read his book you'll soon understand why her doctorate has been put in speech marks to infer sarcasm.

8. Podcasts - as described in this post

9. Jillian Michaels - she was one of the trainers on the American TV show "The Biggest Loser".

Such an abhorrent name for a show aimed at the morbidly obese trying to lose weight.

Anyhoo, this woman is a teeny tiny American powerhouse, who, in the context of this dispicably named show, yells at people to work harder because she knows they can.

Her ultimate advice for weight loss? "Count your calories, work out when you can, and try to be good to yourself. All the rest is bullshit." This is why I like her and she is newly mounted on my own personal pedestal. She warrants a post all of her own.

10. I have learnt a thing or two from my MSc, none of which I can recall right now of course but enough information seeped into the grey matter to earn me a pass for my first year, and that's all that concerns me frankly.

I wonder what the age of 27 will bring? I know for certain that the next year will bring homeownership (we are in the exchanging contracts phase) and the possibility of being responsible for another little life. Hold yer horses, I'm talking about the canine variety. I can't wait.