Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.....

I've been right 'Moby Dick' this week. A fair case of gastroenteritis ensued on Sunday night causing much biological outflow. Ick.

Ergo, I have so far been thwarted in my five a day pledge given that I have been too scared to eat anything and the little that I have ingested has consisted only of dry toast and eggs.

Fibre is the last thing I need in abundance right now. I am feeling much better today though and have managed two out of my necessary five. A trip to the local supermarket is due tomorrow so I'll stock up on a bounty of the good stuff.

Sorry peeps, on this occasion, biology won out.

5 a day to make me a better person

In this post of not too old, I pledged to eat the recommended five portions of fruit and vegetables a day for a hundred days in a bid to make me a better person, kicking off on 1st December.

Now, I am fully aware that this isn't a completely selfless act. In fact, it couldn't be more selfish as I am effectively, the only person to gain from this task but ultimately that's OK, as it makes me a better person. A healthier, happier person with clearer skin and more vitality. Or so the advertising would have me believe.

Now what has struck me since making this bold statement of mine is that, actually, I am not completely clear on what really constitutes a portion of fruit or veg.

Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I mean, I have an apple a day at work and often a banana. I usually have some kind of vegetables with dinner, albeit frozen or salad. Am I already eating the required amount? I also eat fruit yoghurts, do they count? It says it has real fruit in it so it must do. Or does it? Can I eat nuts and seeds? Aaaaaaarrrrggghhhh!

In light of this confusion, I have executed some much needed research, thanks to 5aday.nhs.uk, I have a clearer idea.

O.K, so what counts?

• Fresh, frozen, chilled, canned, 100% juice and smoothies all count, as do dried fruit and vegetables

• Fruit and vegetables don't have to be eaten on their own to count. You can also include any vegetables found in soups, stews, sandwiches and other dishes

• Fruit and vegetables contained in convenience foods like ready meals, pasta sauces, soups and puddings, also contribute to your 5 A DAY. However, these ready-made foods can be high in salt, sugar and fat, which should only ever be eaten in moderation, so it's important to check the nutrition information on the labels and packaging

• Dietary supplements like vitamins and minerals do not count towards 5 A DAY. This is because many dietary supplements don't have the same nutritional benefits as fruit and vegetables

• Potatoes and other related vegetables such as yams and cassava do not count. This is because they are classified as starchy food

What's a cassava I hear you cry? No idea. However, I am pleased to learn now that potatoes don't count otherwise I would have eaten a jacket potato smugly every day for a hundred days only to be left feeling cheated and defunct later on.

I also kind of figured that vitamin supplements don't count - it somewhat defeats the object of the exercise I feel. Duh, idiot hole.

There's a plethora of information on this website as to what actually constitutes a portion size. Now we're getting to the good shizzle. I was going to copy and paste the lengthy tables describing every available fruit and vegetable in fresh, dried, frozen and tinned forms but opted for this handy synopsis instead. I say synopsis, it's still pretty lengthy....

Fresh fruit:

• Small-sized fruit: 2 or more, for example 2 plums, 2 satsumas, 3 apricots, 2 kiwi fruit, 7 strawberries, 14 cherries, 6 lychees
• Medium-sized fruit: 1 medium fruit, such as 1 apple, banana, pear, orange, nectarine, or 1 sharon fruit
• Large fruits: half a grapefruit, 1 slice of papaya, 1 slice of melon (2-inch slice), 1 large slice of pineapple, 2 slices of mango (2-inch slices)

Dried fruit:

• 1 tablespoon of raisins, currants, sultanas, 1 tablespoon of mixed fruit, 2 figs, 3 prunes, 1 handful of banana chips

Tinned fruit:

• Roughly the same quantity of fruit that you would eat as a fresh portion: 2 pear or peach halves, 6 apricot halves, 8 segments of tinned grapefruit

Juices:

• A glass (150ml) of 100% juice (fruit or vegetable juice or smoothie) counts as 1 portion, but you can only count juice as 1 portion per day, however much you drink. This is mainly because it contains very little fibre. Also, the juicing process 'squashes' all the natural sugars out of the cells that normally contain them, which can be harmful for teeth - especailly if you drink a lot of it in between meals

Quick guide to vegetable portions:

Green vegetables:

• 2 broccoli spears, 8 cauliflower florets, 4 heaped tablespoons of kale, spring greens or green beans

Cooked vegetables:

• 3 heaped tablespoons of cooked vegetables such as carrots, peas or sweetcorn

Salad vegetables:

• 3 sticks of celery, 2 inch piece of cucumber, 1 medium tomato, 7 cherry tomatoes

Tinned and frozen vegetables:

• Roughly the same quantity as you would eat as a fresh portion. For example, 3 heaped tablespoons of tinned or frozen carrots, peas or sweetcorn

Pulses and beans:

• 3 heaped tablespoons of baked beans, haricot beans, kidney beans, cannelloni beans, butter beans or chick peas. Remember that beans and pulses do count, but only as 1 of the 5 portions, no matter how much you eat

Potatoes and other related root vegetables:

• Because they are considered a 'starchy' food, potatoes don't count towards your 5 A DAY. (Starchy foods are foods like potatoes, rice, pasta and bread.) We’re not suggesting you don’t eat them, but they should form the ‘starchy carbohydrate’ part of your meal
  

Wish me luck peeps. I have even downloaded the handy wall chart to document my progress and intend to blog at least weekly with my progress.

I want to be somebody else.

I laughed my lardy old arse off when I read this entry by Diet Girl for no reason other than I completely identified with it.

As a teen, I too longed to be someone other than myself although I think I

may have been punching waaay above my weight with my obsession. I wasn't a Baby Sitters Club fan but my equivalent was Sweet Valley High. The books and then the TV series about teenage twin girls - one studious and caring, the other wreckless and flirtatious but both ridiculously beautiful and rich living in an idyllic sounding town called Sweet Valley.

I would swing wildly between longing to be brave and confident like Jessica or quiet and clever like Elizabeth. In the end it didn't matter because at the time I thought I wasn't beautiful or clever and never would be.

What I actually failed to realise then was, I was a perfectly normal teenage girl. I wish I knew that then, it would have saved a lot of angst.

One Hundred Days To Make Me A Better Person

Listeners of the Absolute Radio Dave Gorman podcast may recall a challenge set by comedienne Josie Long called One Hundred Days to Make Me a Better Person (phee-eeew, that was links a plenty).

If you don't know what I am blathering on about then allow me to briefly explain: the idea is to pledge to do one thing every day for 100 days in a bid to improve yourself, starting on 1st December 2009. You should register to the website (linked above), make your pledge and document your updates by any means necessary.

I think this is a meritorious idea and wholeheartedly want to join in with the other boys and girls. However, I appreciate that this is something that you are promising to do every day for a little over 3 months and therefore requires a smattering of thought. Seeking inspiration I perused the pledges made thus far and found not only mild amusement but also some very sweet people:

LiterallyTs

ar will correct misuse of the word "Literally" - it shall only be used correctly worldwide after March 10.

tombedwell will say hello to a complete stranger and record how each person reacts.

oh_pollo will Will write a page a day. Page size may vary.

Neil Deadly will Save a pound and give £100 to charity in March.

Now, I am feeling quite bereft of inspiration but there are two trains of thought I will pursue over the next few days.

The first being the fact that my diet, in terms of nutritional value, has some what taken a nose dive over recent months so I could pledge to actually eat my five day (of fruit and veg obviously) for the next 100 days (and hopefully beyond) but surely that's something I should be doing anyway?

*hangs head in shame*

The second is that I could ensure that I listen to a podcast everyday. Since my late discovery of the wondrous podcast (as discussed in this post) I have enjoyed them less frequently than I would like and seeing as it was a podcast that led me to this discovery maybe that would be most apt.

I have a few days to chew over this so I shall return, hopefully with some more thoughts.

One Woman Muffin Making Machine

I have a new compulsion in the form of baking round, yeast - leavened bread AKA the muffin. It has been what you might call an evolutionary process.

It all started with a quest to find a healthy, wholesome muffin recipe for breakfasts on the move. Something wholemealey and filling and stuffed with blueberries, cranberries and anything else ending in 'erries. I hit upon a recipe with no butter or sugar but consisted of honey and natural yoghurt for thickening and sweetening. Tried it in cupcake cases and a bun tin.

Tasted OK if not a little dry but ultimately disastrous in form.

Bought some proper muffin cases and faired better.

Bought a heavy gauge muffin tin. Bingo bango.

Changed the recipe to chocolate chips with butter, sugar, baking powder and white flour. Vastly more unhealthy but I am now the world's best girlfriend and a hit with people I've never met at my better half's place of work.

I'm now an addict.

*Image nabbed from NatalieDee.com*

Isn't man an amazing animal?

As I was perusing the world wide web, I stumbled across this and I quite liked it;

Isn’t man an amazing animal?

He kills wildlife by the millions in order to protect his domestic animals and their feed. Then he kills domestic animals by the billions and eats them. This in turn kills man by the billions, because eating all those animals leads to degenerative – and fatal – health conditions like heart disease, kidney disease and cancer. So then man tortures and kills millions more animals to look for cures for these diseases.

Elsewhere, millions of other human beings are being killed by hunger and malnutrition because food they could eat is being used to fatten domestic animals. Meanwhile, some people are dying of sad laughter at the absurdity of man, who kills so easily and so violently, and once a year sends out cards praying for “Peace on Earth.”

Preface from Old MacDonald’s Factory Farm by C. David Coates

Bewildered time traveller

Eeeeeek! It's November already. What the...? There's a theme recurring here. I've just realised that I do this at the beginning of every month. Crumbs.

Halloween? Check.

Guy Fawkes Night? Fast approaching.

Christmas? Wait a cotton pickin' minute it's only November...

Need to get my Christmas mojo on - am determined that this year I won't be a big ol' bah-humbug. I'm gonna reeeeally try, I promise. Therefore, I am not going to complain that the Christmas lights are being switched on too early in London or that I am feeling pressured to look fabulous for the annual work Christmas bash.

Seeeeee *pointy finger*. I'm embracing it with all the gusto I can musto.

*Image above nabbed from www.toothpastefordinner.com*